Bloating Beauty
There is nothing like a little visit from the Hormone fairy to shake (or jiggle:) things up a bit!!
After years, okay, the majority of my life, of resistance and faulty attacks I have developed an intimate relationship with my body. I stress intimacy because for me it is each of us showing up in our truth. Like all valued relationships it needs attention, acceptance, and the capacity for forgiveness. Sometimes this trinity plays out far more smoothly than others. I repeat- this holy communion did not come easily to me, but that is a different post.
For the majority of my days I understand and respect my body’s dynamism and more importantly, its innate wisdom. I have discerned through disease, addictions , and discomfort my recipe for my fullest expression of radiance, vitality, and physical health. I know which foods, supplements and exercise create the excellent health and balance I have come to expect. I do my part, usually on autopilot, let go, and trust my vessel to take care of the rest.
So what’s up when the precisely curated system suddenly disintegrates overnight? Even more jarring for a recovering perfectionist, the cause of demolition is UNKNOWN. In June I underwent a minor medical procedure and one week after, I noticed a fullness to my usually lithe body. I brushed it off attributing a disruption to my exercise routine, travel, and minor premenstrual bloating. Its now apparent that’s when I violated my own commandment of consistently checking in with my body, as I coached my seven year old son through some transitions. After all, It was just fullness. In that moment I abandoned myself. I live from the edict that neither my life nor my body is supposed to hurt. I am worthy of all the goodies. My personal physical choice is a grounded yet effervescent feeling. That was definitely not the climate I was vibing. Not even close- it was a swatting my way through a humid jungle. Two months later, my body’s at first subtle message of fullness had escalated to I can’t sit comfortably in my jeans!! Truth bomb- I need the next size.
In the midst of this bodytalk, I turned 47. I am absolutely not of the camp that accepts the compartmentalized dysfunction of the body as a result of aging to be absolute and inevitable. I have known and worked with two many luminaries who have dispelled that fabrication for me. Shout out to the inimitable Yamuna Zake, who models evolving body practice and wisdom independent of age. Sporting stunning waist length grey locks, and glowing skin I would stand her sculpted bottom next to any 20 year old yogini. I digress. Do systems require increased maintenance as we age, hell yes. Do we have to give up our jeans or health- NO!
Two days ago, I decided to stop complaining, looking to others for assurance and approval reclaim my power and get my happy place back . In my past body struggle mentality I would have reacted in chaos and stayed there, setting up camp in the land of terror. LOSS OF CONTROL- DISASTER is imminent, fix this NOW was a mantra that once played continuously in my subconscious. The emotional cascade included blaming and shaming my obviously untrustworthy body. In the spirit of transparency, was I knocked down a peg on confidence-faith ladder? Yes. Absolutely. Show me a woman who delights in noticing the dimples on her hips multiply. Again- there was no cause. My diet had been PRISTINE. Very tempting to jump into the self pity boat on the river of fear. Did I think about taking a vacation in the desert of despair, maybe for a few miserable minutes. Did I stay there? nope. Self loathing and anxiety were never on the table for me. I am rewired.
The gift of my consistent practice of integration and acceptance is it affords me choice. I can feel my emotions, the anxiety, discomfort and then let them go as I invite solution. Half of this game of life is knowing where you want to go. I don’t even have to have all of the answers in the present moment- it’s impossible, simply not part of the human condition. Clarity for me is essential. It is the building block for my thoughts, and actions. I go back to myself, and what I know to be true. I am strong, smart, and healthy and absolutely supported by an abundant creative force and brilliant body. We all went the best for me and possess the capacity to allow that manifestation to unfold. In that moment I have permitted the holy surrender and made space for grace. Almost immediately, I began to recognize the potential causes of my body’s distress and the knowing that a shift in mindset will lead me through the tunnel. Will it be instantaneous, probably not. Can my body and I do this? Heck yes. I have walked through some pretty unfathomable firestorms, and each time, something good has come from it. The wisdom of retrospect.
Oh yes, I am hypothesizing hormone imbalance. Most likely estrogen dominance if I were a betting gal. I have one of those super sensitive bodies. Usually, I bless my sensitivity and consider it to be my greatest strength. It is the source of my intuition and allows me to use me body as an instrument. I, however, conveniently lose sight of this perspective when my new pants don’t fit.
Getting the most possible information is my preliminary tool. I have assembled a rock solid team to help me stay in my optimal expression of wellness. I checked in with my genius functional medicine doctor, Will Cole. Bloodwork is being evaluated. Functional medicine lab works are like candy to me- so much information is now available to patients! I am on day two of bone broth/ souping protocol which is magnificent in healing the gut and calming inflammation. Swelling means there is inflammation. I’ve done this dance before. I already feel better, and that’s my end of the game goal. Yes, I want the jeans back too! When I got quiet, and dared to fully accept the imbalance, the body is able to whisper what it wants, that insight combined with empiric evidence allow practical and powerful solutions to appear. Nothing is wrong with me! I didn’t do anything to cause this. Body’s speak. I am grateful I listen. Mine wants a bit of reprogrammimng. I will find my way back to balance, and then I will lose it again. I will continue to struggle through old patterns, behaviors etc. My growth and expansion (just spiritual here please) will be demonstrated in how long it takes me to return to my own power, to choose self love over fear.
I’d love to hear about what summons you to show up as your most empowered self??